Bella's Cover Story
by nightlight6
Summary: this is random, yet totally hilarious! what happens when Bella tries to write an autobiography. much funnier than it sounds. it leads to many outrageous events the likes of which you have never known!
1. Chapter 1: Cover Story

_**This is something that just popped out of my random little head…. DON'T MOCK ME!! Ahem. Enjoy!!**_

Bella pov

I paced. How long was this going to take? I looked out the window. Still, _**nothing**__…_

And then, suddenly, inspiration hit me. I ran back to my computer, and began to type.

_My Dull and Dreary Life. By Bella Swan._

_Nothing much has happened to me. Or at least, that's my cover story..._

_I'm really a secret agent, who is pretending to be a secret agent._

Wait….. that couldn't be right….. I backspaced, thinking again.

_Come to think of it, I'm really a secret agent, who is pretending to be a secret agent, who is pretending to be a super awesome bunny -entertainer dude._

Yes!!! That was exactly right!!!! I continued.

_My life's goal is to help bunnies reach total world domination, so that the Earth will be a more wonderful, carrotful place._

The entire thing was coming together! Now all I needed was to ask Edward for his opinion…. he was _**totally**_ going to agree for its awesome-ness. Now all I needed was a cover story…….

_**was that random, or what? I will have to make a second chapter, to make a cover story for Bella's cover story. Plz review! **__****_


	2. Chapter 2: The Prediction

_**Hi! This is the second chapter of Bella's Cover Story! This time Edward is the center of attention. Enjoy!**_

Edward pov

"Um… _what _ Bella?" I was on my cell phone, heading for my silver Volvo, wondering what the _hell_ Bella was talking about.

"_You heard me, Edward, since you're smarter than me, I want __**you**__ to check my autobiography." _ Bella _sounded_ serious…..

"Okay, Bella, I will be there as soon as possible." I hung up and hopped in my car, when Alice came out into the garage, screaming,

"NO EDWARD!!!!! BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN IF YOU GO TO BELLA'S HOUSE!!!" I didn't get out of my car, but I looked in her mind to see what she was talking about…

_Madness. Drool. Wolves. Death……… end of all….._

I hit the gas, "Do not worry, my love, I will save you from the werewolves!"

Alice pov

I watched Edward leave, no, _careen_ out of the driveway, reciting the Zimbabwe national anthem in my head. When he was out of both mind and hearing range, I burst into laughter.

Between laughs, I gasped, "Poor Bella, I did predict madness, but it wasn't a werewolf! Ha ha!!!" I slowly stopped laughing, to consider my next options. I could either stay home and risk being torn to shreds when Edward came back, or I could take to the hills and stay in Alaska for awhile.

I decided on the second one.

_**That was also short, but I hope you liked it! The next chapter will hopefully reveal what happens to Bella. Please review!**_


	3. Chapter 3: Realization

_**This is the 3**__**rd**__** chapter of Bella's Cover Story. We now find out what happens to Bella! Enjoy!**_

Bella pov

I sighed. Maybe my autobiography wasn't _totally_ accurate. I looked out the window at the total green-ness of Forks.

All of the sudden, though, the peace was broken when an oh-so familiar silver Volvo screeched around the corner toward my house. My eyes widened when, without even stopping the car, Edward jumped out, landed smoothly and ran top speed through the door. In no time, he was by my side, tense and ready for battle.

He growled, "Don't worry, my love, those werewolves will never get you. Never!"

Keeping an iron grip on my waist, he dragged me down to the living room, eyes on constant alert.

I asked, half hysterical, "Um, Edward, what the hell are you doing?!"

He plopped me down on the couch and, without even looking at me, replied, "Alice had a vision that werewolves were going to come attack your house. I knew it was only a matter of time…"

I stuttered, "E-Edward, I th-thought-"

He put a finger to my lips, "Do not speak, Bella, you have nothing to worry about."

I tried to push his finger away, "Edward!"

He looked at me, reluctant to look away from the windows.

"Edward, I think it's a trick!"

He looked confused, "But Alice had a prediction…"

I half sighed and laughed, "Don't you remember? Alice can't see werewolves, it's a trick!"

Edward thought for a few seconds before looking extremely ticked.

"Bella, call the police. A car has been found off the side of a cliff, and it's a yellow 911 Porsche Turbo."

_**Ouch. Poor car. Want to know what happens next? Than too bad! You'll have to wait for the 4**__**th**__** chapter, which comes out soon! Please review! Thanks!**_


	4. Chapter 4: The Decision

_**Hola, peoples! Sorry it hasn't been "soon" but here is the 4**__**th**__** chappie! Let's find out what happens to Alice's car.**_

Edward pov

I slapped my hands together to get rid of the dust on them. "That takes care of that. Let's go, Bella."

Bella was just looking over the side of the cliff, her eye twitching.

I touched her shoulder, "um….. Bella? You okay?"

She stuttered, "I-I've never seen a car look so… so…. _Pancake-ish!_"

I sighed, "Yeah, Alice isn't going to be happy. But she deserves it. Let's go."

Bella just stood there, starting to look defiant.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Well…. I just think that since you gave her that car in the first place, that you should replace it!"

I snorted. A very strange sound to come out of a vampire. "The point of vampiric vengeance is to keep the destroyed thing _destroyed._"

Bella thought for a second. "Did the rules of vampiric vengeance say you couldn't replace said destroyed item?"

I was stumped.

Bella thrust her index finger triumphantly in the air. "Ha! I can be smart sometimes! Let's go get that replacement car!"

I sighed. "Fine. But lets keep the spending limit under $100,000, okay? I don't want Alice to know that this was possibly _my_ idea."

Bella gave me a kiss before saying, "Whatever you want."

I sighed again before opening up the car door for her. "Bella, when will you ever learn that I don't care about what I want? I care about what _you_ want."

Bella got in the car. "And that's why we're doing this. And I'm glad."

I got in the car and turned on the ignition. "Once again, not too expensive."

Bella rolled her eyes, "You don't even know the meaning of expensive. To put it sensitively, your family's _loaded_."

"Oh, sure, that was sensitive."

Suddenly, my phone rang. It was Emmett.

"Hello?"

"Yo_! What's up?"_

"Um, Emmett, I'm in my car with Bella on a cliff."

"_Ah… the 'indignity' of Dracula movies finally got to you, huh?"_

"Wh-what?! That's ridiculous! I was throwing Alice's Porsche off a cliff because she tricked me, and now Bella wants us to go buy a replacement!"

"_Ooh, really? Can I help?"_

"You don't need-"

"_No, my brother. I insist. I have a great eye for car shopping. Or was it clothes shopping? Rosalie likes pretty gifts. Anyway… I'll be right there! Thank me later!"_

"Wait-"

Emmett hung up.

Bella looked confused. "What was that about?"

I sighed. Again. "Emmett's going to help car shopping. So why do I feel like something bad is going to happen?"

_**Is Edward's hunch correct? What car will they pick? And will there be a 5**__**th**__** chapter? To the last one, um… DUH? It'll be out soon! Plz review!**_


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